You are Loved…

I have been feeling very alone lately. I have never fit into this earthly existence. I am the square soul trying to fit into this round world. I was sitting on the banks of the Fox River this afternoon when a yellow butterfly flew in front of me. I could have touched her. Instead of flying away, she flew back but this time she flew closer and touched my nose.

I believe that the Universe is always showing us signs but we so often fail to see. Our heads are always tilted down focused on our phones or computers or deadlines or grocery lists or lists of things to do. We are always so busy that we forget to live. As the butterfly continued to fly closer, I heard myself say, ” I remember. How could I have forgotten? I am so thankful that the Universe sent you!”

I received a phone call approximately sixteen years ago. The voice on the phoneline (yes-LAN line) stated, “Hey! I need to run some errands. Will you watch my kid for a couple of hours? She’s playing in her room.” I walked down the street and found my sweet little friend sitting on the floor in her bedroom gazing out the window. She was almost 6 years old and I found this behavior very odd as she never stood still for very long. “Hi Princess! What’s up Buttercup?” She asked me to sit next to her so that I could see what she was doing.

She started to explain to me that a few years prior, her dear grandmother had crossed over to the other side. She told me that when her Nana was dying, she told her there was nothing to fear for death was just an extension of life. She told her that she would come back and visit her favorite granddaughter. She told this little girl that whenever she notices a white bird in a tree, she will know that her grandmother has returned to remind her how much she is loved. Children have open hearts and open minds and haven’t been conditioned to not believe.

She asked me to look at the tree branches outside her bedroom window. “Do you see her?” I looked and to my amazement, I saw a beautiful white bird sitting peacefully on a branch looking at the window. My little friend stated, “I’m talking to my Nana. She’s telling me about heaven. She says that it’s beautiful and peaceful. She likes it there because she has lots of family.” I asked if she would like to continue talking to her grandmother and she said, “yes, please.”

I am capable of communicating with spirits and yet, watching a little girl talking to her late grandmother for over forty minutes was spellbinding. The white bird never moved and her gaze did not leave the window. A 5 (days away from her 6th birthday) year old little girl who had more energy than a ton of dynamite sat completely still bathed in a grandmother’s love. This beautiful little girl looked at me and stated, “My grandmother said that she has to leave but she’ll be back. Aunt Julie, she wants to know where your family is and if you’ll take me to the park tomorrow?” A bird was asking about my family and taking her granddaughter to the park. While I laughed about the request to go to the park, I was reluctant to speak about family. I took a deep breath and replied, “I don’t have any family. Sometimes things happen and we have to accept and move on. Yes, I will take you to the park.”

My phone rang at 8:30 AM the following morning. “I’m ready! I’m ready! Are you going to pick me up? The park can get very crowded.” I was tired as it had been a very long week. I got dressed, gathered a few essentials and drove to pick up my little princess. She was waiting in the driveway jumping up and down and hopped into the car. The incessant chatter of an excited little girl began to fill the air.

We rolled the windows down, sipped our Cokes, sang to Britney Spears and took the country road to the park. The river was on our left and as I turned to maneuver a curve, my little friend said that her grandmother wanted me to slow down. I did but was surprised as I wasn’t speeding. “Aunt Julie! See that bush up there! My grandmother wants you to stop the car! Roll up the windows!” I put my foot on the brake and the car came to a complete stop.

I looked and a beautiful yellow butterfly flew from behind the bush and then another flew and another. There were at least twenty butterflies that started flying around the car and I felt tears start to well up in my eyes. “My Nana said that your family is here….”. In an instant the entire car was enveloped in butterflies. They covered the windshields and windows. They covered every portion of the exterior of the vehicle and I sat mesmerized watching thousands of yellow butterflies. It was amazing. I heard my little friend shriek in delight. “It’s your family in heaven! It’s your family in heaven! See Aunt Julie! See! They love you! Look how much you are loved!”

I can’t write or read these words without crying. I cannot believe that I forgot this beautiful moment. It was such a gift. In an instant it was over and we sat in the car on a country road next to the river. She held my hand and said, “It’s time to go to the park. We’re burning daylight.” Out of the mouths of babes.

Sometimes we think we’re alone and unloved. Sometimes we’re overwhelmed and want to give up. Sometimes we question the meaning of our existence. Sometimes the energies of a retrograde are fierce and flatten us. And sometimes a little girl and a white bird remind us that we are loved more than our earthly minds can comprehend.

You are loved and you are never, never, never alone.

Much love, Julie 💖

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