I was participating in a yoga class on a seemingly ordinary day when I heard the voice of an Angel gently whisper, “Amarah, write.” Amarah is my heavenly name or that which I was named by the Devine. The origin of Amarah is Arabic which translates into the words, “God’s Grace.” This name is a perfect reflection of my soul. I am an incredibly powerful spirit and my energy is positive filled with grace, compassion, and love. If you were not aware, you have also been named by the Devine with a heavenly name that has been consistent throughout all of eternity.
I was in a particular asana (yoga pose) and I replied to the Angel, “I am in my yoga class! I’m a little busy. Can we do this later?” I just laughed at my arrogance. I am humbled that I hear the voices of Angels and yet, when one spoke, I implied that I was far too important to listen. A few moments passed and I heard the Angel speak again. “Amarah, write. Stop and write.” I was still ruled by Ego and was irritated but the appearances of Three Angels had become more profound in recent months. I had started carrying a notebook and pen and I stopped interacting with my class and began writing.
I remember staring at the paper after I wrote their words. At the time, the words had no meaning for me and I was confused. “Amarah, the process of extinguishing your Ego has begun. There is nothing to fear for we will be by your side always. Ascension is incredibly painful but remember that it is the illusion of pain for nothing on this planet is real…”
I stared at the paper and heard myself state, “My Ego is going to be destroyed. What does this mean?” In my nativity, I assumed that I would go to sleep one night and the Three Angels that I have always been connected to would remove my Ego via energy surgery and I would wake up with increased psychic abilities. I can now see the presence of the Ego so clearly in my former cognitive thinking.
I left my yoga class and walked across the hallway to the empty preschool room. I remember closing my eyes and asking the Angels for guidance. I felt a penetrating peacefulness and I realized that I was in a deep meditative state. As I started to come out of the meditation, I saw a reflection of a woman in the floor to ceiling windows. She was balancing on a little 6 inch wide plastic chair completely engulfed in her writing. I quickly realized that she was me.
I looked down at the table and saw pages upon pages of written words and although it was my handwriting, I do not remember writing. I looked at the clock and realized that over an hour had passed. I saw the written pages unsure of their purpose when I heard another Angel sweetly state, “You must love yourself first and you must love yourself as you are loved by the Devine. Amarah, the time has come.”
Being intuitive and an empath, talking with spirits, and being blessed with all of the Clara’s is my normal. But being told that I needed to love myself first was a foreign concept. I’ve lived a life of abuse that began at the age of 5 and had never stopped. Even when the abuser(s) left, I always managed to find someone to take their place even if it met that I had to abuse myself. I simply did not know how to love me for I had been programmed to believe that I was undeserving of love.
The question that I want to present to you is simple: Do you love yourself? Before you answer, please continue to read the soon to be posted blogs as there are several items that need to be considered.
What is Love?
Love is intangible. Love cannot be viewed under a microscope and somehow it is the most powerful force in this universe. Love is the emotion that pulls at the heartstrings of poets. It is the question, “How do I love thee. Let me count the ways,” posed by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. It is Aristotle’s poignant view that “love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies,” or Rumi’s insight in that “lover’s don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.” Love is Adele’s soul singing “One and Only,” while Celine Dion’s voice causes faces to become wet with tears as her heart sings, “The Power of Love.” It is Renoir’s “Dance in the Country,” as well as Rembrandt’s “The Jewish Bride,” that embodies love is patient, love is kind.
Love is “the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide” (e.e.cummings, I carry your heart with me). Love is you and love is me. Love is everything. Love is the only thing.
While I have described love, I have not defined it. How do you define love? Can it be defined? Is there a universally accepted answer? The dictionary defines love as an intense feeling of deep affection. Is this what the Angels were telling me to do? The unfortunate truth was that I had learned to hate myself. I had internalized the many lies of those that showed love in the form of abuse. In my mind, love was nothing more than pain. Is it possible that Tina Tuner was right in asking, “What’s love got to do with it?”
I know that Spirits never lie. I know that the Angels were guiding me and gently leading me on this journey. I know they would never hurt me and I trusted them. While this day started with yoga, it somehow ended with an intense yearning to learn about self-love. I began to wonder why loving myself was so important. While I am a compassionate and generous person, I always believed that I was undeserving. I did not think or feel that I was worthy of any goodness including that of self-love. I had been conditioned to believe that I was the black sheep in my family of origin and I was nothing but a huge disappointment. I accepted what I believed was my fate.
I slowly began to understand that until we love ourselves unconditionally, our divine energy (our inherent birthright) cannot be activated and therefore, cannot flow through us. Love of self allows us to transform our darkness or lower self (shadow work) into light. I was very aware that all of my unresolved issues would keep manifesting over and over again in my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual life until I began the process of peeling back the layers and examining the root causes of the pain of my life. There is no escaping this process unless you want to carry the issues over into your next life and the next and so on.
Later that evening, I read the words my hands had written. The Angels had provided a guided meditation that is powerful and provides the foundation of learning about love of self. I have never recorded their words but I will and will provide the link in my next writing. Until then, please stand in front of a mirror, look deeply into your eyes and tell yourself “I love you.” I know it is hard to stand there and say those words. I know in the beginning, it is impossible. It is time you learn to love the most important person in your life: You.
Why is it so hard to tell ourselves these three words? Why don’t we love ourselves unconditionally?
What is Love?
Stay tuned for part two coming up.